The world of horses is a fascinating and often complex one, where the pursuit of connection, communication, and mastery can be as varied as the individuals involved. It’s a world where egos run wild, and every person who touches a horse seems to have their own unique method, philosophy, or “secret” for achieving success. For anyone looking to navigate this world, it can be overwhelming to sift through the noise. There’s one thing that seems certain—everyone believes their way is the best.
So, how can you cut through the confusion and find an approach that works for you? The answer lies in something often overlooked by many: understanding how neurolinguistic programming (NLP) can help shape your relationship with your horse and give you the confidence to define your own approach.
The Horse World: A Jungle of Egos and Opinions
The equestrian world is full of people who firmly believe in the effectiveness of their own methods. One trainer swears by classical dressage techniques, another by natural horsemanship, while yet another relies on modern behavioral science. Each claims to have found the key to unlocking the perfect relationship with horses. This can be incredibly intimidating for those just starting out or even for seasoned riders who feel they haven’t yet achieved the “perfect” connection with their horse.
It’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed by conflicting advice. Some trainers will tell you that you need to be the “alpha” and use forceful methods to gain the horse’s respect. Others will argue that the horse must always have the freedom to make its own choices and that dominance should never come into the equation. The language can be confusing, with terms like “respect,” “being on the bit,” and “pressure” used interchangeably, but with vastly different meanings depending on the speaker’s philosophy.
Understanding Egos in Equestrianism
The root of the problem often lies in the egos of those involved in the horse world. Many trainers and horse enthusiasts see their method as a reflection of their own identity. It’s easy to become emotionally invested in the idea that the way you train or handle a horse is the “right” way. But when we place too much emphasis on our own egos and beliefs, we risk losing sight of the horse’s needs and, ultimately, the connection that’s so essential for a positive equestrian experience.
At its core, working with horses is not about dominating them, but about creating a partnership based on understanding, trust, and mutual respect. Yet, too often, the emphasis is placed on asserting control. This is particularly evident when phrases like “getting the horse to respect you” are used. For some, this is a call to apply pressure in a way that forces the horse into submission. However, this approach can sometimes result in fear or confusion rather than true respect.
The Power of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) in Equestrianism
So, how do you navigate this sea of conflicting egos and methods? One powerful tool that can help you find your own voice and approach is Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). NLP is a psychological approach that focuses on the connection between the brain, language, and behavior. By understanding how language influences perception and actions, you can reshape your approach to training and communicating with horses.
In equestrianism, NLP can help you achieve a few key things:
- Clarifying Your Intentions: NLP teaches that the language you use shapes your mindset and actions. By carefully choosing your words and framing your thoughts positively, you can develop a clearer, more focused intention. Instead of focusing on “dominance” or “control,” you can reframe your goals to be about partnership and mutual understanding.
- Building Rapport with Your Horse: In NLP, building rapport is crucial. This concept is essential when working with horses, as establishing trust is the foundation of any successful partnership. Using body language, tone of voice, and subtle cues, you can create a deeper connection with your horse, which often results in better responses and smoother communication.
- Reframing “Pressure”: When people talk about applying pressure to gain respect, they often mean using force or harsh methods. However, NLP encourages us to think about pressure in a more nuanced way. Instead of viewing pressure as something negative or forceful, you can reframe it as a tool for communication. Pressure doesn’t have to mean domination—it can simply mean offering a clear, consistent cue that the horse can respond to. When done with patience and respect, pressure can be used to guide the horse rather than overpower it.
“Respect” vs. Fear
When people speak of having a horse “respect” them, it’s often a euphemism for using forceful methods to “train” the horse. This might involve using harsh bits, tight reins, or dominant body language. However, “respect” based on fear is not true respect at all. True respect comes from the horse understanding its role in the relationship without feeling threatened or controlled.
This is where NLP can be transformative. Rather than relying on fear or intimidation, you can focus on using your communication to encourage the horse to make decisions based on understanding rather than coercion. NLP techniques can help you recognize and adjust your own responses to situations, allowing you to remain calm, patient, and consistent—qualities that foster trust and respect.
“On the Bit” – A Red Flag
One of the most commonly misunderstood phrases in equestrianism is “on the bit.” For many, this means forcing the horse into a position where it has its head tucked and its body collected in a very precise way. However, this can often translate into pulling too hard on the reins or using excessive pressure, which is uncomfortable and unnatural for the horse.
Instead of forcing the horse “on the bit,” consider that true collection comes from the horse’s own balance and posture, guided by light and consistent aids. NLP can help you remain aware of your own intentions and body language, allowing you to guide the horse into the correct position with minimal force and maximum cooperation.
Conclusion: Trust Yourself and Your Horse
In the world of horses, it’s easy to feel lost in the noise of competing methods and philosophies. But remember, you don’t need to follow someone else’s path to success. By understanding the principles of NLP and applying them to your own work with horses, you can carve out a space where you and your horse can truly connect.
Focus on building trust, maintaining patience, and communicating clearly with your horse. Forget about dominating or trying to “prove” yourself to others. Instead, redefine “respect” as mutual understanding and allow your horse to respond to your cues in a way that feels natural, not forced. You may find that, when you let go of the egos around you, the journey with your horse becomes far more rewarding and harmonious.